Manliness, Mission, and Martyrs

More Ministerial Meanderings on Masculinity in the Church
(the following was adapted from Pastor Kevin’s devotional at the men’s breakfast September 13, 2025)  

Mr. Nice-Guy vs. Mr. Goodman As feminism continues its methodical invasion through western culture, a subtle yet pervasive pressure has been applied to the men in our churches… the call to be “Mr. Nice Guy.” What I mean by that (of course there’s nothing wrong with being nice) is that the highest aim for men has become that they are agreeable, inoffensive, and universally approved in pretty much everything they do.

I came across this idea from Michael Foster about a year ago, and after digging into Scripture, I’ve been chewing on this important distinction. What is the difference between being a “nice guy” and being a “good man?” Is being agreeable and enemy-less the highest calling for the Christian man, or were we created for more?

The Burden of Niceness It’s hardly a secret that our current society is one that does not prize (or often tolerate) masculinity (at least, not in men, haha). Instead, our culture lauds men who avoid conflict, suppress strength, and seek the approval of others above all else. For decades, our culture has subtly taught that masculine traits- competitiveness, boldness, risk-taking- are to be restrained, even shamed. Boys are often urged to soften their energy, to prioritize sensitivity over strength, to fit in rather than stand out. The result is a generation of men conditioned to believe that being liked is the measure of success.

Scripture, however, offers a different perspective. In Galatians 1:10, Paul asks pointedly, “Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Pursuing human approval leads us to serve from a place of insecurity, constantly striving to earn the favor of those around us. This is the nice guy’s burden- a life shaped by the fleeting opinions of others. In order to please man, and in order to please our culture, all men have to do is be a ‘nice guy’…

In contrast, God’s Word reveals our true calling. From Genesis 1:28, we see that men were created in God’s image for action: “Be fruitful, fill the earth, subdue it.” Though the Fall introduced toil and hardship, our core purpose endures: to lead, protect, provide, cultivate, and advance God’s kingdom. As believers, we stand secure in the truth of Ephesians 1:6- that we are “accepted in the Beloved” through Christ. This divine acceptance frees us from the need for human validation, empowering us to live as good men, rooted in the sacrificial love of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The Path of a Good Man I have good news and bad news: The bad news is that being “Mr. Nice-guy” is far easier than being “Mr. Goodman.” The good news? That’s okay. We’ve been designed to do hard things, and the rewards for the discipline of godly masculinity far outweigh the comfort of mere niceness. To be a good man is to embrace a life of courage, sacrifice, and unwavering commitment to God’s truth. Consider these seven hallmarks of godly manhood, drawn from Scripture, and how we see their relevance in our lives today: Good men…

1. Confront Sin with Courage (even when it’s uncomfortable)

A nice guy avoids difficult conversations to maintain harmony. A good man speaks truth, even at personal risk, as Nathan did when confronting King David’s sin with Bathsheba. His bold words led to repentance and restoration. Today, this might mean addressing a brother’s destructive habits, correcting your children with firmness, or challenging gossip within the church. Proverbs 27:6 assures us, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

2. Make Difficult Decisions (even into the unknown)

Nice guys hesitate, seeking consensus to avoid friction. Good men act decisively, trusting God’s Word for their guidance. When God told Abraham to leave his homeland, he packed up his family and went. When Abraham was told to sacrifice Isaac, he got his camping gear together, and took his son hiking 3 days into the woods. For us, this could mean pursuing a ministry calling over a comfortable career, enforcing family disciplines that disrupt the status quo, or following God’s leading to try something new. Joshua 1:9 exhorts, “Be strong and courageous… for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

3. Stand Firm Against Cultural Pressures (even when it costs)

Nice guys blend in to avoid rejection. Good men stand out for God’s truth, as Daniel did, refusing to compromise his faith despite the threat of the lions’ den. His faithfulness glorified God, even when it meant violating Babylonian law. Today, this might mean defending biblical marriage, upholding the sanctity of life, or resisting unethical practices at work. 1 Peter 3:14-15 encourages us, “If you suffer for doing good, you are blessed. Don’t fear their threats; always be prepared to give an answer for your hope.”

4. Sacrifice Selflessly (even when no one notices)

Nice guys give with hidden expectations. Good men give freely, trusting in God’s provision. Paul endured hardship for the Gospel- beatings, hunger, imprisonment, and much more- not for recognition, but to share Christ’s life-giving gospel (2 Corinthians 11:23-28). Today, this may look like providing for your family without complaint, forgiving deep wounds, or serving the church without expecting praise.

5. Provide and Protect with Steadfast Faithfulness (even when it’s a grind) 

Nice guys grumble when the burden grows heavy. Good men embrace their role as providers and protectors. Boaz exemplified this, ensuring Ruth and Naomi’s safety and provision with integrity. Today, this means working diligently to support your household, guarding your family’s faith against worldly influences, or aiding a struggling neighbor.

6. Mentor and Disciple Others (even when you don’t have time) 

Nice guys stay surface-level to avoid deep commitments. Good men pour into the next generation. Paul mentored Timothy as a son, urging him to “fight the good fight” despite persecution (2 Timothy 2:2). For us, this could mean discipling a younger believer, guiding your children through challenges, or teaching others in the church. Titus 2:6-8 calls men to “encourage the young men to be self-controlled… so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.”

7. Repent when you are Wrong (even when your pride objects)

Nice guys will deny any shortcomings in order to protect their image. Good men confess their sins and seek transformation. Peter, even after denying Jesus Christ, repented and was restored into a preaching ministry, where he led thousands to faith. This humility might mean admitting to your wife when you’ve been impatient, seeking forgiveness from a friend (or even your child!), or breaking habits that harm your witness.

A Modern Example of a Good Man The world does not oppose nice guys- it opposes good men, those who live boldly for God’s truth. The recent and tragic loss of Charlie Kirk, a brother in Christ and founder of Turning Point USA, serves as a sobering reminder of this reality. Charlie was not targeted for being merely kind or agreeable, though he was known for his generosity and compassion. Rather, he was a good man- fearless, mission-driven, and unapologetic in his commitment to biblical principles. He stood firm in defending the sanctity of marriage, the value of human life, and the truth of the Gospel, even in the face of a deeply divided and often hostile culture.

Charlie’s life was marked by the very qualities we’ve described. He confronted sin and error with courage, speaking truth in love to a generation in need of clarity. He made difficult decisions, prioritizing God’s mission over personal comfort, building a movement that equipped young people to stand for their faith. He stood against cultural pressures, refusing to compromise on biblical values, even when it brought rejection and scorn. He sacrificed selflessly, pouring his time, energy, and resources into advancing God’s kingdom without seeking personal acclaim. He provided and protected, not only for his family but for countless young believers he mentored, encouraging them to live with conviction. And in his humility, he consistently pointed to Christ as the source of his strength.

Charlie Kirk’s death was a profound loss, not only for his family and community but for all who value the courage it takes to live as a good man in a world that often despises God’s design. His legacy challenges us to examine our own lives: Are we content to be nice guys, blending into the culture to avoid conflict, or are we willing to embrace the costly call of godly manhood, as Charlie did? His example reminds us that the path of a good man is neither easy nor safe, but it is one that leaves an eternal impact.

A Call to Action Brothers, we are called to more than niceness; we are called to godliness. Through Christ, we are already accepted as sons (Romans 8:17). Let this truth anchor you as you step into your God-given role. This week, choose one area to act with courage: lead your family in prayer, mentor a younger believer, or take a stand for truth. The path of godly manhood is not easy, but as 1 Corinthians 15:58 reminds us, “Your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” Let us honor God- and the legacy of men like Charlie Kirk- by living as good men, building, protecting, and advancing His kingdom with steadfast faith.