The Problem of Manlessness
Having Babies, Raising boys, and Making Men…
a Minister’s Meanderings on Masculinity in the Church
a Minister’s Meanderings on Masculinity in the Church
Where are all the men in the church? It’s a crisis that has been plaguing the western church in statistically observable ways since the industrial revolution, yet the last several decades have truly lifted the veil to expose the damage done in local, American churches.
It’s a phenomenon you’ve likely felt firsthand. It may even describe your own household. In general terms; women seem more eager to go to church than men. Pastorally, I never could have predicted how often I’d witness it. A wife, dragging her husband to church week after week, allthewhile wishing that he was doing the leading. When his lack of enthusiasm and participation gradually wears down his bride, one of two things happen; she begins attending without him, or the entire family stays home, severed from the blood-bought body of Jesus Christ.
The result? Men are now firmly a dwindling minority in the pews, making up just 39% of congregants in our nation. The other result? Churches, now shepherding an imbalanced 61% of women (obviously), have shifted their focus to accommodate women and children. The other other result? Churches have experientially leaned into more emotionally expressive worship styles, emphases of relationships and feelings, and a general softness that, while not inherently wrong, lacks the rugged counterbalance of discipline, strong doctrine, and bold leadership that attracts men. Sermons shy away from the hard edges of truth, programs cater to feminine sensibilities, and the resulting church often feels less like a fortress of truth and worship and more like a nursery. Thus, men feel less welcome and ‘ministered to’ than ever, and the crisis spirals.
A TACTICAL ASSAULT
To the biblically discerning, it should be no surprise that Satan would launch such an attack against masculinity in our culture and church. The enemy is no fool; he knows that institutions thrive when balanced with godly, masculine leadership alongside their feminine, nurturing counterparts. This is best illustrated in the microcosm of the church; the household.
When a man embraces his calling as a protector and provider- imaging Christ, who laid down His life for His bride- his home becomes a sanctuary of divine order. Ephesians 5:25-28 states it powerfully; a husband’s sacrificial love, poured out in imitation of Jesus, liberates his wife to thrive in her God-given role; nurturing children, managing a home, building community, etc, all with freedom and joy. Children, too, come alive under such leadership- sons learn to wield strength with humility, daughters yearn for men who mirror their father’s godliness. This is the beauty of biblical masculinity: not domineering, but serving; not lording, but lifting; not crushing, but cultivating. Satan attacks men because their absence fractures the family, the first line of defense for the church. When men falter, homes crumble, and the church staggers.
THE TURNING OF THE TIDE?
Last Saturday, our church saw 27 (by my count) men respond to the call to begin a ‘men’s fellowship’ gathering. What a rare pleasure to bear firsthand witness to such a diverse group of men. Seasoned elders with decades of wisdom- teenagers- fathers juggling careers and family- young professionals seeking purpose- retirees reflecting on legacies, all gathering around the table heavy with bacon and Bibles. You may think that a couple of dozen men gathering for breakfast, a short devotional, and a testimony of grit and grace isn’t such a big deal. But it is. It’s a tangible sign of what appears to be a growing trend, testified to by pastors around the country. Men are waking up. And they’re waking up hungry.
Hungry for the meat of God’s Word. Hungry for fellowship, the kind in which iron sharpens iron. Hungry for brotherhood, and for the challenge to rise to the heights to which biblical masculinity can take us. Why now? Perhaps it's the backlash against a hyper-feminized society that's left men adrift, coupled with a growing awareness in evangelical circles of the masculinity crisis- fueled by books, podcasts, and movements calling men back to their roots. Even Gen Z is showing flickers of faith, with some reports noting a surge in religious curiosity as a final rebellion against secular despair. The tide is turning, not by human might, but by God’s sovereign grace. Yet, we stand at a crossroads, and the question burns: where do we start?
MEANWHILE, AT THE CARLSON HOME…
Next week, Lord willing, my wife and I will be welcoming our fifth (!) son into the world, alongside our one, precious daughter (I warned you in the title I’d be meandering a bit!). The sensations are rather familiar in our household- those tiny kicks, the last-minute preparations, imaginative discussions of names, the buzzing excitement amongst our other children, eager to welcome their baby brother into the world. And amongst the blissful chaos, the thought strikes me like a hammer; this is where the resurgence of biblical masculinity ultimately begins.
It begins in the cradle. It begins in the living room, around the dinner table, and through the daily rhythms of family life. This is the frontline of the battle for masculinity in the church. While I’m brimming with expectancy in the uptick in men ready to return to their roles of godly leadership, I also recognize that such a ‘movement’ will never be sustainable unless we train up the next generation to recognize their roles in God’s good order.
So parents of young boys, you must start now; teach your sons to love the church. Teach them to love the Lord God. Teach them of the high and holy calling of cherishing and serving the Body of Christ, and her immeasurable value of being bought with the very blood of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Teach her of the church’s victory, and of the kind of courage God uses to advance His Kingdom.
Parents of young girls, teach your daughters to desire men who love the church. Teach them to settle for nothing less, in their choosing of a husband, a man who will stand firm in the faith, eager to serve humbly and lead boldly- not by the world’s measure, but by the cross. A man who is distant from the church will never be an effective spiritual leader in the home. Teach them of the joy and beauty of a life lived in the context of normal, gospel preaching churches.
This is the battleground where victory is forged: in bedtime prayers, in disciplined instruction, in lives modeled after the Man of Sorrows who conquered sin. Fathers, pour into your boys with relentless devotion. Grandfathers, speak wisdom into the young, your gray hairs a crown of credibility. Single men, invest in your brothers- mentor the fatherless, strengthen the weak. Every man, hear this charge: your influence is not optional but essential. The enemy prowls, but Christ has overcome, and through faithful men- raising sons, discipling brothers, building the church- we will see His kingdom advance. Be of good courage. Take heart. The tide is turning, and Christ does win, so let’s set about our daily responsibilities with joy and grace. Your labors start at home, but their fruit, by God’s grace, will reach the ends of the earth.
It’s a phenomenon you’ve likely felt firsthand. It may even describe your own household. In general terms; women seem more eager to go to church than men. Pastorally, I never could have predicted how often I’d witness it. A wife, dragging her husband to church week after week, allthewhile wishing that he was doing the leading. When his lack of enthusiasm and participation gradually wears down his bride, one of two things happen; she begins attending without him, or the entire family stays home, severed from the blood-bought body of Jesus Christ.
The result? Men are now firmly a dwindling minority in the pews, making up just 39% of congregants in our nation. The other result? Churches, now shepherding an imbalanced 61% of women (obviously), have shifted their focus to accommodate women and children. The other other result? Churches have experientially leaned into more emotionally expressive worship styles, emphases of relationships and feelings, and a general softness that, while not inherently wrong, lacks the rugged counterbalance of discipline, strong doctrine, and bold leadership that attracts men. Sermons shy away from the hard edges of truth, programs cater to feminine sensibilities, and the resulting church often feels less like a fortress of truth and worship and more like a nursery. Thus, men feel less welcome and ‘ministered to’ than ever, and the crisis spirals.
A TACTICAL ASSAULT
To the biblically discerning, it should be no surprise that Satan would launch such an attack against masculinity in our culture and church. The enemy is no fool; he knows that institutions thrive when balanced with godly, masculine leadership alongside their feminine, nurturing counterparts. This is best illustrated in the microcosm of the church; the household.
When a man embraces his calling as a protector and provider- imaging Christ, who laid down His life for His bride- his home becomes a sanctuary of divine order. Ephesians 5:25-28 states it powerfully; a husband’s sacrificial love, poured out in imitation of Jesus, liberates his wife to thrive in her God-given role; nurturing children, managing a home, building community, etc, all with freedom and joy. Children, too, come alive under such leadership- sons learn to wield strength with humility, daughters yearn for men who mirror their father’s godliness. This is the beauty of biblical masculinity: not domineering, but serving; not lording, but lifting; not crushing, but cultivating. Satan attacks men because their absence fractures the family, the first line of defense for the church. When men falter, homes crumble, and the church staggers.
THE TURNING OF THE TIDE?
Last Saturday, our church saw 27 (by my count) men respond to the call to begin a ‘men’s fellowship’ gathering. What a rare pleasure to bear firsthand witness to such a diverse group of men. Seasoned elders with decades of wisdom- teenagers- fathers juggling careers and family- young professionals seeking purpose- retirees reflecting on legacies, all gathering around the table heavy with bacon and Bibles. You may think that a couple of dozen men gathering for breakfast, a short devotional, and a testimony of grit and grace isn’t such a big deal. But it is. It’s a tangible sign of what appears to be a growing trend, testified to by pastors around the country. Men are waking up. And they’re waking up hungry.
Hungry for the meat of God’s Word. Hungry for fellowship, the kind in which iron sharpens iron. Hungry for brotherhood, and for the challenge to rise to the heights to which biblical masculinity can take us. Why now? Perhaps it's the backlash against a hyper-feminized society that's left men adrift, coupled with a growing awareness in evangelical circles of the masculinity crisis- fueled by books, podcasts, and movements calling men back to their roots. Even Gen Z is showing flickers of faith, with some reports noting a surge in religious curiosity as a final rebellion against secular despair. The tide is turning, not by human might, but by God’s sovereign grace. Yet, we stand at a crossroads, and the question burns: where do we start?
MEANWHILE, AT THE CARLSON HOME…
Next week, Lord willing, my wife and I will be welcoming our fifth (!) son into the world, alongside our one, precious daughter (I warned you in the title I’d be meandering a bit!). The sensations are rather familiar in our household- those tiny kicks, the last-minute preparations, imaginative discussions of names, the buzzing excitement amongst our other children, eager to welcome their baby brother into the world. And amongst the blissful chaos, the thought strikes me like a hammer; this is where the resurgence of biblical masculinity ultimately begins.
It begins in the cradle. It begins in the living room, around the dinner table, and through the daily rhythms of family life. This is the frontline of the battle for masculinity in the church. While I’m brimming with expectancy in the uptick in men ready to return to their roles of godly leadership, I also recognize that such a ‘movement’ will never be sustainable unless we train up the next generation to recognize their roles in God’s good order.
So parents of young boys, you must start now; teach your sons to love the church. Teach them to love the Lord God. Teach them of the high and holy calling of cherishing and serving the Body of Christ, and her immeasurable value of being bought with the very blood of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Teach her of the church’s victory, and of the kind of courage God uses to advance His Kingdom.
Parents of young girls, teach your daughters to desire men who love the church. Teach them to settle for nothing less, in their choosing of a husband, a man who will stand firm in the faith, eager to serve humbly and lead boldly- not by the world’s measure, but by the cross. A man who is distant from the church will never be an effective spiritual leader in the home. Teach them of the joy and beauty of a life lived in the context of normal, gospel preaching churches.
This is the battleground where victory is forged: in bedtime prayers, in disciplined instruction, in lives modeled after the Man of Sorrows who conquered sin. Fathers, pour into your boys with relentless devotion. Grandfathers, speak wisdom into the young, your gray hairs a crown of credibility. Single men, invest in your brothers- mentor the fatherless, strengthen the weak. Every man, hear this charge: your influence is not optional but essential. The enemy prowls, but Christ has overcome, and through faithful men- raising sons, discipling brothers, building the church- we will see His kingdom advance. Be of good courage. Take heart. The tide is turning, and Christ does win, so let’s set about our daily responsibilities with joy and grace. Your labors start at home, but their fruit, by God’s grace, will reach the ends of the earth.
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